well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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