let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
