$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
