I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
