well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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