sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
