I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
