If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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