After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Randomize
