Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
