Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
