meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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