Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Where is the hickey?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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