i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
