I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
