Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
