Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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