you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
