I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
