I'm so fucking centered right now
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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