did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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