K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
