It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
