Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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