Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
