Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I could fuck to npr.
Come share oat with me in your robe
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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