You really coming over, don't trick.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
this will be a night to untag.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
