Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
