dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You're a waste of cheezeits
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
