He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
