I'm going to jail i love you
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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