I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
