Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
