you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
