God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
