ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
