For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Randomize
