Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
So vagazzling was a success
i believe in u and ur pee
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
