apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
