the condom got lost in my hair
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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