I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
This couple is walking their pig around campus
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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