And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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