oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Shame - the story of my life.
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