There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
