I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
There's even glitter on my cock...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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