Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
