I hate your face
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
