so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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