I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
