C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
